Pisces Men are bad for Pisces Women.
That’s what I think. Both of the boyfriends I had that were Pisces Males were selfish and manipulative, they were alos co-workers. So maybe all my co-workers behave that way and it has nothing to do with Astrology.
Ha!
I think my male cat maybe also be a pisces.
No, really. I think the female one is a Cancer. That’s why she loves me so much, she neeeeds me.
Oh yea, all Scorpio women are mad because they are not men.
The Zone Improvement Plan (ZIP) code — a five digit number — began on July 1, 1963. The first number designates the state or area; the next two numbers, the area within that state or area; and the last two digits, the office itself. Mr. ZIP was created to help people remember to use the ZIP code to help the Postal Service move the mail. He was printed on the margins of many U.S. stamps issued between 1964 and 1986.
1963????
That was like, yesterday.
Thing I have or have kind of planned to do for someone other than myself:
Quit Smoking
Give away my cats
move to a part of town i don’t really care for
eat better/exercise more
get therapy
I have read a few of her books but not this one.
The Ice Queen was great, better than Local Girls but not as good as Here on Earth. Ice Queen is about a woman who gets struck by lightning and is a total lunatic who is too independent for my understanding.
Where would I start if I were to try to tell you this story from the beginning? I could start with the part about how trusting I am, how supremely superficial and sensitive I can be. I believe that he is telling me what he really thinks after seriously considering all of it. I really believe that. I am also blinded by my ovaries.
This evil pill, this gift to women, these hormones that have turned the tables and fought against what they really are, they are killing me! My TriNessa leaves me with some side effects I could do with out. I could do with out the mind-numbing headaches (which start about 30 minutes after I take my very first pill of the month and become less noticeable on day 14). I’m not kidding! Did you hear me? That is 14 days of headaches! Obviously if it was that big of a deal I wouldn’t be taking them. But I just can’t quit. I’d have to leave my sex life behind me forever. There is the matter of the nausea as well; it’s very chicken and egg. I take an unhealthy amount of Ibuprofen (sometimes I take it because I had too much to drink the night before and sometimes I take it because it’s one of the 14 days of headaches but I don’t always know which, I hope you taking advantage of the song writing possibilities here.) I get pretty sick to my stomach for the first seven days of the pill and I’m not sure if it’s because of the pill or because of all the nasty ibuprofen. I don’t know which. We could (if you are still reading) talk about the depression that completely owns my life now. I blame that on the pill too. I have a normal cycle of depression that revolves around my dad’s birthday and the time he died (conveniently located within six days of each other). That was in July (1996) and today we are somewhere in January. So depression is not on the schedule, not due for six months. The schedule dictates that right now, this month, I should not cry because my boyfriend did not seem interested in discussing my pill or not to pill status and I assumed that meant I could stop taking the fucking things and jesus was I ever wrong and oh god did I ever sob over that for hours. The schedule says No! This is not correct, it is not time to feel like this.
I told him that we had to talk (right before he had to leave for a few hours) so he left and called me within about 30 minutes to find out what this talking was all about. I told him I was considering not taking this evil thing anymore and I explained the reasons above (as best I could with out risking him losing interest) and he seemed like he understood, he even said yes, that it made sense. I (oh I am such a silly girl) thought that meant that out relationship was not dependent on me taking this thing. I thought that meant I could keep weighing my options and finally resting on a decision that was best for me. (And him too, I’m not totally selfish. I considered that fact that he probably did not want to have any kids, with me or in general, even though he had never said so, not even when I told him I was thinking of essentially taking that risk, no sir he did not say word one.) I hemmed and hawed and thought and thought some more. I weighed my options considering my anti-viral and my experimental shot. I ran some of these ideas past him periodically, in emails and IRL and the most I ever got out of him was a shoulder shrug. So I decided I did not want to take it. I really did not want to take it in the first place, the only thing that kept me from stopping was him. I wanted to make sure he (he he he not me me me) was okay with that.
Right?
Still with me?
And on Friday (decision day) at 6PM I was really getting nervous and had to keep reminding myself that I had told him all he needed to know and it all seemed like this decision was okay with him. I thought a few times about going to get it just in case I changed my mind at midnight. I even went online and got the Walgreens phone number. Then I went to go sit next to him and I was going to try and relax. But instead of the usual (I sit down next to him and he pretty much ignores me) he asks me about it, asks me if not getting it is my decisions and I say yes….I jump up and run downstairs. My plan was to go pick it up anyway to have it on hand in case (again) I change my mind, so that’s what I’ll do. I call the pharmacy etc. Except now it seems like he is…contemplative. I ask him about his state of mind and come to find out I can’t stop taking my pill because I cannot, under any circumstances, do any kind of baby-having with this lunatic (he has forbidden it). But my problem is (as it always will be) that I love him.
I asked him origionally not about the general idea of pregnancy but if I should tell him if I found myself in that position. Clearly the answer is no, but that’s not what he said.
So now I am alone in this. If I want to stop taking this I can’t tell him.
1. Understanding of HSV
2. Intelligence
3. Work Ethic
4. Ability to maintain friendships
5. Acceptance of drinking on a regular basis
6. Relationship (and explanation) of family
7. Appreciation of Music
8. Appreciation of Alia
9. Attraction
9. Education
10. Job
11. Knowledge of The Master and Margarita
12. Knowledge of adjustments available to standard Kraft Macaroni and Cheese
13. Experience living in Snowy conditions
14. Appreciation of Art
15. Ability to Spell
16. Ability to maintain relationships
17. Weight/Appearance/Hair
I am importing some of the more meaningful entries from long ago. Meaningful to me. The problem with not updating frequently is also not typing in a username and password frequently. I have totally forgotten the old username and have been using the original one a lot lately. I saw someone else’s blog and I felt the familiar tug to get it all out of my head.
I had a rough night. James came home. I think he was there when I returned from spending money I don’t have in order to make up for the emotional deficit I have in my life. I got green polka-dotted dish sponges and a green frying pan. I think I may have bought the green frying pan to bash myself in the head with in case things got too bad. I really do worry about that. When I tried to off-myself as a teenager I bought some anti-histamines which was routine behavior for me. I had some ass-kicking allergies back then. But instead of placing six pills into each day of the week container I kept for my pills, I took them all. Even I didn’t see it coming. I was depressed but I guess I did not realize just how bad things really were.
If James and I get a divorce my life is not going to get better just because of that. In fact for a short period after (2 weeks to 6 months) I am going to be consumed by guilt. I don’t want to hurt people, not even when they hurt me. I’ve said this before, I am the adult in this marriage. Not its not fair or right, but it’s true. I knew that when we got married. I knew it while we were dating (if that’s what you call binge drinking).
I do not want to be the nagging wife. I didn’t tell James when things were wrong. I always waited until it was so bad I was ready for someone to die.
I wasn’t always myself around him (and here’s how you know I’m in my twenties) I’m not even sure who I am. Except a slightly hairy doormat and a people pleaser. And that’s not going to work.
He does not understand that I essentially can’t say no. I don’t think anyone understands that. I told him he can stay and we can stay married because I can’t fight him. I don’t have the resources or the energy. It’s too bad because this marriage isnt going to work. i know that. I am sacrificing the things I really want. The rest of my life essentially. All so that I don’t have to face turmoil.
Pinellas County 2001 there are 924,610 age 5 and up living here, 205,955 of those are disabled. 10% of us live below the poverty level. There are 3,292 persons per square mile. Hernando County 2001 there are 135,751 age 5 and up living here, 33,524 of those are disabled. 10.3% of those live below the poverty level. Cook County, Illinois in 2001 there were 5.350,269 people age 5 and over, 973,558 of those people are disabled and 13.5% live below the poverty level. There are 5,685.6 persons per square mile. In Monrtgomery County, MD in 2001 there were 891,347 poeple over the age of five, 107,808 of those people are disable and only 5% live below the poverty level. There are only 1,762 persons per square mile. Mendocino County, California 2001 population was 86,860 of which 18,378 are disabled with 15.9% living under the poverty level. There are only 24.6 people per square mile. Thats just crazy.
