Alpha Pisces Australis and the women who don’t love them November 14, 2009

People out there are still searching for information on the elusive Pisces male.  The following signs are generally considered to be good matches for him: Taurus, Gemini, Virgo (why am I not surprised).  There are two real no-no signs here and the first (haha) is Aries and the second is Pisces.  Everyone else has a shot for short-term fun.

Seeing, dating, sleeping with a pisces male is exhausting and unrewarding for me.  I am always shocked at how insensitive they are.  I often wonder if I am just like my male counterpart.  This would be tragic and I prefer not to entertain the idea.

Here’s a pisces girl.  I would have to say that there are supposed benefits to being a girl fish like Xtreme Resourcefulness.

Oh God, wikipedia says George Washington was a Pisces, he must’ve been a bastard.

When I feel bad about being a fishy doormat who squanders money, love and logic I look at the astrological success of my counterparts (except in their personal life, don’t look at that).

Handel, Dr. Seuss, Michelangelo, Liz Taylor, George Harrison, Gloria Vanderbilt, Albert Einstein, Erma Bombeck, Alexander Graham Bell, Earl Warren, Anais Nin, Grover Cleveland, John Updike and Steinbeck and Harry Belafonte.

(We are leaving out Carrot Top, Jean Harlow, Patty Hearst, Johnny Knoxville, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Karen Carpenter, Kurt Cobain, Diana or Drew Barrymore for obvious reasons)

 

 

Albums, The Civil War and Stuff, not Things August 26, 2009

I would like to start this out with an apology.  I have been taking everything I have been going through out on this blog.  I am sorry blog.  Today I had something to say and so I wrote an e-mail instead of writing something that doesn’t make any sense.  Still, I don’t talk to people, I write to them but whatever, that is so close to normal it’s not even funny.

I can’t believe I didn’t write this.

 

or this one which is about using the word album.  I was rattling off a list of albums I have to someone (who is my age) and he interrupted me to tell me that he had never owned any albums, only CDs.

Cleanser July 17, 2009

Note: This is actually a post about cleanser, it is not some code word for depression or men or liquor. 

While reading The Advice Smackdown I came across some entries about skincare and some miracle product that is not loaded with skin stripping acid, which I’m not knocking because I use that kind of stuff everyday it’s just that I can’t help but think my skin is planning somekind of mutiny.  I guess it would be like finding out that your mother is poisioning you, well maybe not like that but we’ll use that as an example anyway.  So you find out your mother is poisioning you, what to do next?  Your next move has to very careful.  She is your mother, she may know you are on to her before you even do anything.  Your attack must be sudden! Ah-ha!  And unpredictable!  That is what I think my skin may be up to and in fact I belive there was a pre-emptive strike a few weeks ago when out of nowhere my face started assulting me.  It was terrible and there was nothing I could do because I already use the best balance of pre-treatment, regular treatment, evil abrasives of death and noice lotion-y application.  What else could I do? 

Back to the post about face wash, or whatever real girls call it.  Here it is, filled with things that sound like they would be great in ice cream or tea or some combination of both.

The best-selling cleanser contains infusions of sage, chamomile, and carrot. 

WTF ever, putting food related items on my body usually creates some sort of angry protest, in spite of my birth control pill (skin-clearing miracle pill, my ass).  Tea Tree Oil is often recommended for HSV outbreaks (and everything else).  First of all it does nothing for my outbreak except making my nether-regions smell like Tea Tree Oil.  On top of that it does terrible things to the rest of my body (forget about going anywhere near my face with that shit).  I find I can’t convey things properly without using the word shit.  Sorry. 

I don’t want to close this on a  negitave note so here’s a really accurate tale of using fake eyelashes, compelte with Spider Monkey Reference.  Initially I accidently typed Spider Money and although I think that should be some kind of new Jay Z album I could not find a way to work it into the post, so this’ll have to do.

July 9, 2007

I tried to find a local support group for depression.  I signed up to attend something on Saturday but I’d really rather….not.  I’m trying to find a way out of the bad feeling so I look up a few things.  One link I get from the NIH says:

HOW TO HELP YOURSELF IF YOU ARE DEPRESSED

Depressive disorders make one feel exhausted, worthless, helpless, and hopeless. Such negative thoughts and feelings make some people feel like giving up. It is important to realize that these negative views are part of the depression and typically do not accurately reflect the actual circumstances. Negative thinking fades as treatment begins to take effect. In the meantime:

• Set realistic goals in light of the depression and assume a reasonable amount of responsibility.
• Break large tasks into small ones, set some priorities, and do what you can as you can.
• Try to be with other people and to confide in someone; it is usually better than being alone and secretive.
• Participate in activities that may make you feel better.
• Mild exercise, going to a movie, a ballgame, or participating in religious, social, or other activities may help.
• Expect your mood to improve gradually, not immediately. Feeling better takes time.
• It is advisable to postpone important decisions until the depression has lifted. Before deciding to make a significant transition change jobs, get married or divorced discuss it with others who know you well and have a more objective view of your situation.
• People rarely “snap out of” a depression. But they can feel a little better day-by-day.
• Remember, positive thinking will replace the negative thinking that is part of the depression and will disappear as your depression responds to treatment.
• Let your family and friends help you.

Back to me now…I think this is a pretty funny list of things because none of them have saved me. But I am kind of surprised that I’ve already tried most of that list.  I went to a baseball game on Sunday, I’ve spent most of today trying to be positive in my head.  I spend most days trying to do that and I am here to say that it is not f-ing helping. And I can’t really confide in anyone.  The people I have…well they have other things to do. I really wanted to wait and only see my psychiatrist if (and when) I needed to.  I need to, right now in fact.  I’m hoping that I can make it through the day (I already know I can’t but will) and tomorrow I will call and schedule something.  As soon as possible. And then what? 

Ideas for your Blog February 2, 2007

I have heard about this book, No One Care What You Had For Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog but I was not aware of what it was. 

It is actually, a book of one hundred things to write about or do, in your blog.  I can’t remember where i first read about this book that I haven’t read..actually but this morning I saw Defective Yeti refer to it and I knew it had to be mine!  Something about a suggestion that enables someone to write bosoms heaving every-which-way makes me want to buy books.

A McSweeny’s Link January 30, 2007

Oh so funny for when one is feel bitter and screwed and wants to laugh but would rather just cry.

Skinny Jeans January 23, 2007

Skinny Jeans are bad for everyone.  They should be outlawed.  Or at least we should think about this.  Some people understand me, see?

Inundated with Baloney January 22, 2007

OMFG. 

NY Times Cover Story

“Is There Post-Abortion Syndrome?”

Depression v. Colitis January 19, 2007

Wikipedia says the definition of Colitis is “a digestive disease characterized by inflammation of the colon“, which is funny because I think it is more of a pain in the ass, one that comes and goes.  Essentially, that is depression.  I treat botht hings the same way.  I ignore them (or deal with them…ignoring and dealing with are the same thing in my head and I know that sounds absurd but please let me get back to the story here) so yea, I ignore it until it gets so bad that I think I should go to the doctor.  I make an appt to see a doctor and then…it goes away so I cancel the appointment.  Things are good until they are bad, people tell me to get help, I think I am better then my head (or ass) and I try and defeat it.  Sometimes I forget I can’t control everything.  I am ready to….I won’t use that phrase….I am…it makes me feel very overwhelmed with life.  I get to a point where I can’t go on like this anymore and.

I don’t know.

Alice Hoffman January 18, 2007

I have read a few of her books but not this one. 

The Ice Queen was great, better than Local Girls but not as good as Here on Earth.  Ice Queen is about a woman who gets struck by lightning and is a total lunatic who is too independent for my understanding.