This is the third entry I’ve started in the last week. I haven’t been able to finish them and can’t guarantee I’ll do that here either.
Last week I started one because I am still thinking a little about my last relationship and trying to remind myself of the reasons it didn’t work out. In the end, there were so many reasons that I gave up writing about it.
Yesterday I realized that I was starting to feel not so hot again. I have an appointment (of very complicated purposes) next Wednesday and I am hoping for a dose increase. A new medication was added to my regimen right before I left Oregon but I never started it. It is costly (about $500 a month) which would be tolerable if my mandatory medication did not cost about as much per month. The new stuff also comes with all the typical side effects that I have been able to avoid up to this point, weight gain, headache and my personal fucking favorite, tardive dyskinesia. My current medication also treats my anxiety quite well but my previous doctor expressed concerns that it is not under control. I don’t know what to think about that, anxiety has been such a big part of my life that I don’t know how to separate it from my actual diagnosis. They are one in the same to me. What is normal anxiety? I’m going to research this today and get back to you.
The entry I thought of doing today was about HSV and it’s effect on my mental health. After working on this thought for hours I realize I can’t come up with any way to write about it in a way that accurately expresses my feelings. Sometimes topics are too complex or thoughts are too new for me to make them make any sense at all.